Addiction

It’s interesting this was part of my fit book club reading for today. I have been thinking a lot about addiction this week. My fitness accountability twin (same birthday!) and I were talking about how if we hadn’t found workouts and healthy food we would probably be caught up in a less positive addiction. We are still tied to scale and size, but working towards healthy balanced lives and it could always be worse. 

I realized that considering myself as an empowered addict was actually a helpful mindset. This weekend I wanted the instant gratification of junk food. Brownies, bread, ice cream, pizza, the stuff I don’t eat usually. It tasted amazing (haven’t eaten it in so long) but the body aches, lethargy and GI bloat stink. 

I was talking to another friend today about how a loved one is struggling with drugs. And how hard it is to get clean and not go back to the old life and old habits. It was a super helpful conversation to me. I need to have the mindset of someone in recovery. Mine is from putting poisons in my body that cause inflammation and dwelling in negativity. No going back. 

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To my sweet neighbor 

You’ll probably never read this, but I wanted to say thank you. You were pushing your infant in the stroller and stopped to say hi and remarked how cute I looked. Thank you. You’re always coming up with kind amazing things to say even as you juggle working and being a new mama. It meant a lot. 

It meant a lot because I had just changed into a sun dress after what I was cooking dropped and sprayed my 2nd outfit of the day. I was stressed about trying to get fish, veggies and biscuits done at the same time and onto the table hot after coming home late from dance and dawdling kids. I was feeling spread too thin and aggravated that hubby came home and played his app games instead of starting dinner the way he wanted it. I had made the mistake of asking him how I should cook the fish then got mad when it wasn’t the fast way I had scraped up to get it made. If he had started cooking I would’ve felt bad that he had to work then come home to make his own dinner. 

Sometimes it’s so hard to snap out of the grumpy cycle. The dishes slam on the table, the pot covers close a bit too hard and sound like cymbals. 

So thank you sweet neighbor for your kind, heartfelt compliment. It broke my self-criticism, negativity and frustration. I am grateful for you. 

Reading

I used to be a one book at a time, start,   read, finish it, kind of person. I think it’s the organized, check off boxes, kind of personality I have. It would stress me out a bit to have too many books started at the same time. This year, since my goal is to read 100 books, I’ve started being a little more relaxed about starting multiple books and having them all going at the same time. One book at a time would slow me down and take too long to get through.

It’s super interesting to me how the different books I’m reading tied to gather. Right now I’m reading Present over Perfect by Shauna Niquist and that’s really helping me focus on my inner drive to perform versus my need for rest. I’m also reading Growing Strong Daughters by Lisa Graham McMinn, and it’s making me think about how my inner drive and perspective is affecting how I raise my own two daughters. And then I’m also doing a lot of brain training with the Dana Wilde, and that’s making me realize that I need to focus on what’s going right, and not worry about what I need to be doing more of, more action to take. Finally, we are all listening to the Anne series by LM Montgomery, and it’s such a wonderful refreshing reminder of life’s important lessons and just a wonderful nostalgia. I’m glad I’m not going one at a time through books.